Monday, May 25, 2009

Ch- Cha Changes…

Ugh. It has been one May for the record books for sure. I haven’t been blogging b/c I just didn’t have the energy, courage, or interest. However, after a few days off and making myself deal with “life” I am feeling better.

Crazy the pressure we put upon ourselves to do, to be, to get done. It is insane and we wonder why so many of us suffer from burn out, depression, anxiety, and poor health.

If you are lucky you get a moment to stop, to re-evaluate the current situation, and make positive changes in a good direction. If you are lucky and if you have the courage to admit the current method isn’t working.

So what isn’t working? The list is long but mostly it consists of being to busy, pushing to hard, and assuming that my better half is happy. He’s not he’s a wreck and had one hell of a semester. To be blunt he’s been kicked while down and now together we must figure out how to fix that fact.

I refer often to my hubby as 007 because in my mind he’s invincible so for him to be human is a bit hard for me to handle. To accept that he faces challenges and has ridiculous thoughts in his head of what I expect of him is hard to accept. However, those things are very real and he is stressed out.

The road back will be long. For starters he will be taking time off from school. Requesting from his Dean a hardship withdraw to hopefully salvage his GPA, which he discussed with the Dean on Friday. It was the Dean’s idea so that is a positive. Yes, it is bad, sad, and crying doesn’t seem to help. To say I have been in his shoes would be true and to say I would never wish this kind a crap on my worst enemy is also true. So to have him experience this is hard for me to accept, deal with, and I am beyond angry.

Mostly because he allowed it to get to this level and kept me in the dark. Or I was too blind to see that school was kicking his rear. I am sure we can spread the blame around and give everyone a little dose but what good does that serve? It doesn’t change the situation. Instead I would prefer to suck it up, regroup, and move forward.

This summer will be spent doing home remodel crap that we put on hold due to last semester and is now driving us insane. 007 claims that working on the house makes him happy, feel accomplished, and proud. Those sound like positive things to me so we will continue with that. We finally picked out kitchen tile yesterday for our 6th Anniversary (yea us!) and we are thrilled with the pattern we have come up with. Pictures coming soon, I promise.

We also plan to do some fishing, well maybe 007 more than me. I hate the whole cleaning the fish and baiting the hook, which honestly leaves very little except sitting in the boat. I know he finds that rather comical and I have to admit for someone who doesn’t flinch at necropsy's to take issue with fishing is a bit odd. Still I am a good boat sitter.

For today I am doing laundry at the local Laundromat, which is weird in and of it self, mostly because whenever I come to a place like this I feel a bit odd like my life has failed some how. Then it occurs to me how fast I can get laundry done and I feel silly for think that first thought. I also have to admit it is hard to walk past my new washer machine that is STILL sitting in the garage from January! However, the upstairs laundry area still needs sheet-rocked and well the washer needs installed so to the Laundromat I must go.

Hopefully I will be able to blog on a more regular basis as we stumble our way through all these changes and figure things out. It will depend on how soon 007 fixes my Internet connection. It is currently down because he managed to cut the cable that connects me to the satellite dish with the mower. Oh, happy day. Guess we should have buried that cable a long time ago. The upside is I may get the unsightly dish moved from the front lawn to behind the garage because of this little “misshape”. Yea, for me!

Hope all is well for all of you out there and if you could after reading just make a brief comment. I would love to read your blogs, see what is going on in your world, basically expand my circle.

Oh, and a few funny photo from the Kansas City Zoo. I visited with my sister, cousin who was in town from Australia, a 11month old baby, a two year old, 2 five year olds, and my nieces 1st grade class. To say I got my butt kicked would be a huge understatement. Anyway, I love these two pics. I think I need to do more of this!

A group shot of the whole gang. Everyone tried to wave at me but it looks more like they don't want their pic taken. The baby is asleep in the 2nd seat of the stroller. It was a fun day!

Happy Memorial Day everyone!

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