Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Why? Well, funny story… I am located in the flipp’in break room. It’s not totally bad. It has its perks. I’m close to the fridge. Perfect since I’m on a diet!
I find mornings at the office a bit funny. There are the perky folks, there are the grumps, and then there are a few of us middle of the road types that just don’t care all that much what you think (maybe I’m in the grump category after all).
For example, it makes no difference to me if you say, “Wow, looks like you just rolled out of bed.” Guess what I didn’t but I sure as hell didn’t spend an hour doing my stupid hair. Sorry not going to happen. Never mind the fact that I live in the country and have to drive 15minutes to town so no way I just rolled out of bed, ahem!
But I digress…
The fact that I don’t spend hours on my hair or use high end shampoos drives my hairdresser nuts. What can I say I don’t have the will power to jack with my hair to make it all perfect when I know I’ll be outside part of the day nor do I see the point of spending lots of money just to clean my hair.
Yes, I style and brush it. I’m not that bad. At my old job I kept my flat iron at the office on the off chance I found some motivation mid-day to waste time attempting to style it, more. During an office move I lost the flat iron. It only bugs me because it was slightly expensive, not because I miss using it. I was told an old co-worker has it in her office and said I could come and pick it up. That just seems like far too much effort. I’ve asked 007 to do it but he just rolls his eyes. Guess it’s not high on his radar either.
Nothing to terribly exciting on my end just found it funny this morning and had to share. One more thing here is a photo taken last Tuesday...granted you can't see my hair completely but whatever =)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Every week I attempt to tackle this issue and find myself unsuccessful. Yes, I have a ton on my plate but don’t we all? If you have kids I’d say its magnified 100X over. So what’s my excuse, having pets? That excuse seems a bit weak. This of course brings me back to how or maybe it is why?
I’d say it has something to-do with avoidance. Hmmm that’s some food for thought.
I read a lot online and recently I started writing down things that capture my limited attention span. Last week it was the following. ”Progress is doing something which maters for your goal. Be conscious of what urges you have, what distracts you, and why you’re doing it. Then you can become more aware and can address the root problem, usually fear.” This of course leads me to my theory of avoidance.
I can relate to all of that. Developing my career has been a process and moving it forward to what I want it to be; independent, seems daunting.
This weekend alone I am torn between relaxing, attending an entrepreneur workshop, or a podcast conference that’s supposed to be very interactive. Oh yea and a fundraising 5K event for the local humane society. What’s a gal to-do? Pull the covers over my head sounds awesome!
Fear holds me back from jumping in the deep water because I see work as the real deal not some whimsical fluffy idea of mine that won’t make or break my bank account. Heck starting an animal rescue seems like cake compared to work stuff.
Ironically all of it takes work. Going off to college, surviving college and earning a degree, getting a job, keeping that job, relocating, signing on to a new job, starting a non-profit…. The list goes on. It’s all hard-work. Nobody hands those things out.
Funny thing… I started a business once, then closed it. Yea, I got tired of it and it stressed me out. Plus I didn’t make enough to quit my day job so it really bugged me and then I didn’t even sell it for a profit.
I didn’t get it.
But you know what it was fun to dabble. I like dabbling, less commitment and guess what crappy returns! Live and learn right?
I guess I should point out that the little lame business did give me some great memories and confidence. To be fair I closed up shop to go back to school and get a 2nd degree, which lead to amazing things in the animal world. Ok it wasn’t a huge loss and I’ll be the first to admit it just wasn’t the right fit for the market I am in. Plus my business model or lack there off was a bit flat.
I am still and will probably be hung up on this whole concept of trading money for time. I want to create something that doesn’t suck all my time away. That way I can do it whenever I want. I hate, the 8-5 M-F setup. Let me repeat I HATE IT!
It seems silly. Ok I’ll explain. We have such diverse and challenging lives but then we complicate it by putting restrictions on our time. We have “social media”, heck this whole other world is out there on the internet 24/7 and there seems to be a huge conflict. So why on earth can’t we exist in a work world where we are not limited or restricted to 8-5pm. No I do not want work more than 40hrs a week and the idea of working from home seems like a band-aid solution to me, (one I’d happily try for a bit). Maybe I just see the train (of change) coming and I want to jump on.
What does this have to-do with organization?
Fragmentation seems to sum up how I feel as I run from here to there. It seems like everything could be much more organized and structured, which would create more free time to tackle that out of office to-do list.
Hmmm…now that is food for thought!
Back at the Ranch:
Fall is leaving (ha, get it!), and we are trying to get ready for winter. This trying is plagued with lack of motivation because winter is coming and I want to hibernate! The chicken coup is close to being done but not done. Last night we lost a duck, still sad about that. I don’t know why either. “It” because I haven’t figured out how to sex a duck just passed away while sleeping, no injury was seen so we don’t have predator issue. I’d been treating it for an eye injury with a prescription from my vet that we thought was the result of either being peeked by a Rooster or tree branch. The eye was clearing up but for some reason the duck didn’t make it. I scrubbed down the “Quacker’s” temporary house just in-case but the rest of the ducks look fine. I sure hope it’s nothing.
In happy news Willie our foster pooch had an adoption interview that went really well. Hopefully his soon to be new family will have a successful day today. They are closing on a house and Willie is going to an overnight stay next weekend which I hope (fingers crossed) turns into a permanent stay. One of our foster cats Alley is on a weekend overnight with one of the gals from the vet clinic. I am hoping she keeps her that will be a tough one because the gal isn’t ready for a new pet.
A short update on 007, he’s busy. Yep that sums it up. That guy is slammed with school work but he’s loving it. Yea, for that!
As for little old me I am off to big luncheon today with some local leaders. I sure hope it’s a good experience and someone tosses me some work!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Well, we have chickens and they need a better house for the winter. So 007 has been working on building them one. He has a very unique habit of over engineering things. This of course is fine by me, minus the extra time projects take. I still however love the end results and I gotta say it is nice to know that this house will last probably my entire lifetime.
Then there are two doors. One to enter from outside and one to their chicken yard. I even found a nice porch light at the Habitat Restore place for a few bucks. We will also be putting in a nice large fenced yard for them to keep the buggers safe and away from my flower beds! I am really thrilled with this design and can't wait to move the girls in, and those roasters too.
Also, I am amazed at how many crazy people flock to energy conservation events. I mean could we please move this field forward and not set it back a million years. Other than that I hope next years will be an even bigger success. If I can help the coordinator partner with another local residential building group that has some advertising dollars to spend. That should make a huge difference.
Now to see if our IT guy has fixed the Internet issue...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Using Energy Star's Portfolio Manager you can Establish what your score is on a scale from 0 to 100. Zero = Red, which = very in-efficient. If your score is 75 or better you can have your facility Energy Star certified!
Below is a typical home and where one experiences energy loss.
Friday, October 1, 2010
I guess it comes down to one simple fact, change is hard.
Yep! That is the key to it all.
So I haven’t blogged during September. Change is hard, remember. It was my first year without my Grandma to celebrate our birthdays together. That was weird, I’d say hard but that would be a lie. I still feel her near and had a great birthday it was just different this year. I even planned an outing.
A group of friends and I got together and headed to the KC Renaissance Festival. It was fun and I rode an elephant! The photo of me is horrible but what can I say that leads to another change I’ve made recently.
I had surgery.
Yep, for real. I had what is called a mammaplasty and a mastopexy. Basically it’s a reduction and a lift =)
How has it been?
Well, the truth is it’s been hard, frustrating, scary, and wonderful!
I honestly didn’t put a ton of time and energy into really thinking about the aftermath of the surgery. I focused more on getting ready for it. Getting my KSU Application done, paying bills early, and lightening my work load. Basically I cleared my plate and just let the Plastic Surgeon (PS) take over.
On the day I regained conciseness is when I had to deal with what I’d done to myself and I was shocked! I couldn’t believe I’d actually put myself through such a crazy and invasive procedure. I also was stunned by my new shape. I was taken back and felt mildly flattened. Yea, me!
Then my rational brain kicked in and I started to understand just how endowed I had become. My PS took almost 2lbs from each side. One side he took more of, who knew I was lopsided as well!
Not any more =)
It is officially a week post-op and I am starting too really like the changes. I feel so much lighter and oddly more myself. I spent a long time trying to embrace my shape but didn’t care for it all that much, the truth sucks sometimes. Now I feel proportional and normal.
Is that possible?
Now if only I could get my strength and cleared to actual do something I’d be thrilled. I am restricted to lifting nothing more than 5lbs and let me tell ya I am sticking to that rule. However, I am seriously going stir crazy because that really limits my activities on the ranch! I have been walking which helps and feels so good. I hope that is one change that I can stick too.
However, surgery did get me out of cleaning the chicken coup. Instead I lounged in the hammock. Life sure is hard sometimes!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
So I am trying to figure out a plan to break free of the 8-5 rut. My current theory is to find consulting gigs. It’s daunting and doesn’t fit with my cautious mentality but I won’t let that stop me. If I can pull of a 2nd degree while working full-time I am sure I can figure out this transition. The drawback is this “idea” is fairly new here in the Midwest and my boss is of the mindset that he needs all his minions where he can see them, task them. Granted I am out of the office A LOT, unsupervised. Shocking I get my work done as I’m a professional. So his fear is unwarranted, I think and dated. Whatever he signs my checks so he gets to keep his opinion but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to change his thinking.
Friday, August 6, 2010
BUT, here I go anyway...
I mean what is there to learn?
I guess I’ll find out. If I sign up which I still haven’t done. Why? It’s $20. Granted I could charge it to “work” but it seems questionable. It still intrigues me but I don’t know if I’m intrigued to the tune of $20. Oh and did I mention lunch is included. Apparently I am cheap!
It’s been a good week for adoptions! Yep, to say that isn’t on my mind I’d be lying. We have a foster dog at the vet clinic we work at, we have a foster dog and cat at home, and we received a number of e-mails this week from various individuals and groups needing assistance. I haven’t answered half of them yet. One broke my heart and has stuck with me all week a three month old kitten.
Here is his photo (caution it’s bad).
He’s OK, actually he’s great! However, he lost his eye sight do to an infection. Since he was abandon, dumped he wasn’t seen by a veterinarian until it was too late to save his eyes. A very nice lawyer found him and took him to her vet and they removed the eyes to prevent further infection. This photo is of him a few days post surgery. He will improve and the scaring will heal more.
It is still super sad but one thing that I love about animals is they don’t have the “issues” we have regarding disabilities. They adapt and this will become his normal. He won’t feel sorry for himself and he sure won’t care if someone things he looks different. He’ll just be him. Wish we could apply this approach to our own lives and see past labels. We’d probably learn to be happier and kinder.
The good news and this is REALLY good news!
This little kitten has a forever home already, yep he’s been adopted by a woman that had another blind cat for 14 years. The family wasn’t sure if they were ready to open their heart up but turns out this little guy wormed his way in after a trial overnight. 007 checked in with the lawyer and she was thrilled to report it’s a perfect fit!
The thing I love about this story besides the happy ending is seeing a working professional stop, notice, and lend a hand to a pet in need.
I think animal rescue gets a bad rap a lot of the time and believe me I understand why. There are so MANY crazies out there…yes I know ironic.
Keep in mind I’ve been doing this type of work since 2004 and I’ve learned a lot, defined what I consider appropriate, and established many boundaries. I am constantly learning and finding new ways to approach situations and through this evolving process I have come to realize a few cold hard facts.
Some groups are crazy!
I have had my share of dealing with people who mean well, want to do what’s right, but lose sight of the pet in the process. They also assume that the pet is a small human in fur. It’s not and I am sorry but someone is not going to go through a lengthy process to add one to their family.
We are working with a national rescue and they are driving me nuts. Ok, strike that I am not working with them they are trying to work with me. I am not responding to the litany of stupid paperwork they are making up on behalf of this dog. Sorry not going to happen. I also don’t agree with their adoption application, adoption contract, or their adoption fee… too long, not enforceable, and way to freaking high!
The contract actually reads that the pet can be seized by the group at anytime, WTH!
Yes, our contract states that any of our adopting pets need to be returned to us if the adoption doesn’t work out but I can’t do a damn thing if you decide not to call me and I sure as hell can’t seize your pet! I am not the law. Keep in mind we do microchip the dogs in our program and list ourselves as the emergency backup, but all of this is explained to the adopting family. It’s their pet, ownership transfers.
Will I find this particular dog a great home, yes and I will make certain the adopting family has a good adoption experience so they will return to adopt again. Will I assist the national group in the future, heck know they are CRAZY!
(sticks tongue out!)
Monday, July 26, 2010
If you needed a place to stay or live her place was always an open door. If your Mom didn’t understand you she always did, she was a fantastic grandma and tough dang was she tough.
BEACH HOUSE: I remember learning to eat Maryland blue crabs with butter at that same kitchen table and how amazing it was to live so close to the water. I can recall photos with all of us in the kitchen with a steaming pot of water on the stove and basket full of crabs ready to be cooked on the floor, everyone cracking up over the latest joke or what the “kids” did this time at the beach. The backdoor would bang open and close all the time because the beach was a huge bustle of activity when a crab fest was in full swing. I also recall the conversation with Gram where she informed me that I could not live in my swimsuit and I would have to wash it at some point.
LESSONS: Once I was out driving with Gram and she was busy telling me a story while driving. Sometimes she’d get a bit animated and this particular time she drove off the road into a grassy ditch. She was so upset that I had to drive home after pulling the grass out of the wheel well so nobody would know. Later after her nerves settled we laughed about it. I am pretty sure I got to drive for the rest of my time with her that summer. I also recall that same summer driving over a concrete parking space divider and getting her car stuck on it. To say I was scared would be understatement. Gram was always prepared for a crisis and she figured out how to get us off of the concrete divider. We made it home and she kept it our secret but I had to spend extra time practicing with her on how to park correctly.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Okay it took them awhile to get organized...
Does this remind anyone of C.A.P.?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Life happens, boy does it happen. To update via various topics…
Remodeling: On going, still. I can not wait to write that we are done. I seriously doubt that will ever happen.
Happenings on the Ranch: We now have chickens and ducks. The chickens we got off of craigslist, who knew you could find farm animals that way. We picked out 7 chicks, we now have three hens and five roasters. I know the math doesn’t add up. That is because we picked out a Roaster prior to the chicks. His name is Eddie. I feel very sorry for Eddie that most of the chicks are males. It is entirely possible that we only have two hens.
This means we have to figure out what to do with some of the roasters. We have some VERY nice roasters! They are huge and crack me up strutting around my yard. We’ve been letting them free range a bit but of course they still want their grain. They actually think 007 is their mother and follow him all over the place.
One day, awhile back, I was left unsupervised at the farm store which is how we ended up with four ducks. They were just so freaking cute I just couldn’t help myself. Now they are all grown up and my goodness they are HUGE!!! Seriously I think I have mutant ducks. We have no idea on how many boys and girls we have. My guess is the loud one is a boy but that’s just because he bugs the hell out of me. Honk, Honk, Honk, Yea you get the picture. What’s even funnier is watching them waddle in a line after 007. You guessed it, they think he’s their Mother or at least a really good food source!
Work: It’s on going and crazy busy. I kind a like it and I kinda don’t. Still a better fit for me than big brother but I still don’t find it totally fulfilling, so I’m back at the job hunt. Yep, go figure. I seriously debate often if I will ever find a job I enjoy 100%.
I mean they call it work for a reason right?
See I don’t think like that I feel that I should enjoy it because one spends so much time doing it. I am tossing my hat into the ring for animal related positions. Maybe moving away from energy is the key. My interview was a behavior based one which was weird. They gave me situational essay type questions. My responses had to be in story form. Odd….
No it is not for some covert ops job! Now that would be kind a cool!
Other randomness: So 007 and I don’t have central air and if you noticed the crazy heat wave the Midwest has been under you’d take pity on our poor souls. To cope with the heat we have been going to the movies often. Therefore here is our movie review.
- INCEPTION: We loved Inception, very cleaver, crazy, movie. Go see it! It’s a must, very awesome flick.
- KNIGHT & DAY: We also liked this flick but its smart film that makes you wonder if your life is just on pause…so I can see why the critics have been hard on it. BTW Tom Cruise is awesome in it. What can I say I still adore the guy from Top Gun days and this one is just as good!
- THE BOUNTY HUNTER: This seriously cracked us up. You gotta love Jennifer in this and it’s a good date movie.
- DATE NIGHT: Ok this would be our luck and since then we have considered taking someone’s reservations, but alas most of the places we go don’t need reservations. I’m not a huge The Office fan but this was really good.
I have also tortured 007 with Lifetime TV Movies…nope none of those I’d recommend. Go figure!
Summer Beer: Okay this is our new favorite adult beverage and it is the perfect summer drink. Start with lemonade (we are using crystal light), add a shot or two of good vodka and top with just a wee bit of beer, to make it look like sun tea. Yum!!! Sip slowly and if you drink two many of these it's not my fault!
There. You are semi-up-to-date on the crazy life and times Southeast of Disorder.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Seems to be the feeling I just can’t shake. It goes away from time to time and then pops back up. If one was to read my FB status updates I appear chipper even maybe annoyingly so. I don’t know why that is. I felt these feelings when I posted that and then things shifted. A co-worker was annoying, a project took longer, the pup had an accident…eh you know life happened.
This all has me thinking about FB and how it fits into our lives. It seems to be rather cool at times and at other times it just doesn’t fill the void enough. This week I went out to lunch with two new people. One was a dinner to be more exact anyway it was fun. It was fun to connect outside of the office and outside of the internet. I may try it again soon if I could figure out how to improve my cash flow. I don’t get how I am still behind the eight ball on that but it still is the case. Maybe it’s just a fact of life and there will always be “bills” to pay. Eh…just seems like the older I get the more of them there are.
It can make you a bit cranky! Sorry I couldn’t resist.
I am putting some strong hope in the change of season that this feeling of cranky leaves and I get to spend more time outside. I know it will fix a lot but I have a ton of plans that a positive cash flow would really help. Guess that’s what comes with buying more space…more things to work on!
Some ranch updates:
· The place is a muddy mess. However, we are starting to see signs of growth and green peaking its way out from a VERY long winters nap.
· All our fur kids are healthy and doing great, which is good because our whole house came down with that dog bronchial flu going around. Not much you can do about it but see your vet and put the whole house on antibiotics.
· I have found a new wonderful Dr. for myself and 007. I think my new Doc may have a good idea as to why I keep catching these chest colds. As a bonus he has also put me on some stronger meds to finally kick this cold which is good because I am way to run down to fully function.
· Work is good, crazy and a bit stressful but it’s so nice to be in a positive eager work environment. I think a person could work anywhere if that is the atmosphere that is created.
· Speaking of work I had a moment at the clinic today that I was shocked how I handled it. A fellow worker was her typical butt headed self, which she does from time to time. I could expand on the why but I just don’t care to analyze her. Instead of snapping at her I just walked off. Yep, me! Who would have thought I could manage that and I was flaming pissed!
· Back to the ranch…I finally have a design for my garden shed and herb garden. I’ll try and add it tomorrow.
· I haven’t written about 007 in awhile but he is good. School is still a bit of a mess but not so bad as it was. Let’s just say he’s back and he’s doing really well with the stress and hurdles thrown in his path. I wish I could make all of this go faster for him but its life and I can’t.
· As for the two of us well I would say we are really good, except on the weekends because I just can’t get it together and make the shift to slow down. He’s fine but I just can’t seem to unplug, unwind, and still be mildly productive. I am either going 100mph or I’m off to take a nap. I blame the weather.
· Oh and about that pup she is really coming a long way and her Mom well I’ll have to post before and after pics. The Mom was nearly starved to death but now she has a bit of tummy showing! That warms my heart and makes me know I am doing at least something right in my little piece of the world.
Well, there is my update it is a bit long but I can’t seem to be short and to the point. Hope your world is falling into place and your finding your way as well. It’s a process they say so here is to the process! Oh yea and if it could rain money that would help too;)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
It is crazy how many ideas I have to write about but never take the time to just sit down and do it.... So here is my list of topics that are currently bouncing around in my head. Yep its a busy place!
- The Sally P. drama. It just makes me want to scream! The "R" word hurts don't use it. PS don't write on your hand and then flash your hands. Lame.
- I could write about my not so new job and all the lame drama working with a bunch of dudes creates. They're good guys but I am a wee bit tired of being the only lady.
- I could write a ton about the above topic and how some days things bother me more than others. You can take your woman's lib and I'll happy go back to the kitchen. Working is so over-rated.
- The yet again crappy letter my not so friendly state college sent me regarding that pipe dream I have about Vet School. Even though I knew it was a long shot I STILL got my hopes up! WHY.... I mean I pride myself in being a realist.
- How and why we chase dreams. I mean why do we do it? I've been doing a few google searches on the topic.
- How to launch a new division for a company and the ups and downs. I could also go on and on about how I just don't care enough about said company or the new division to be in charge of this.
- I could go on and on about 007 and the movie we watched this past weekend "Dear John". We wrote a ton of letters for better part of our lives back and forth. I have all of his...his got burned/tossed out I can't remember all the details of how that happened...9-11 brought us back together instead of tearing us further apart...irony.
- All of that would lead me to bring up the fact that I am going through baby-crazy-ness. Yea, I made up a word to describe how I sit in staff meetings counting how many months before I could pop out a kid and then calculating how long I'd get for maternity leave. Or how I pushed back my last OB annual exam because I couldn't decided if I should get knocked up or not. I haven't even checked to see if I can.... I am a true wacko!
- Or I could whine extensively about how we took in a foster dog only to have a minor out break of bronchitis in our household. Dog version... Only three have it currently. The hacking oh dear god the hacking! Yuck.
See I could go on and on but to tell you the truth I am just so freaking tired. So off to bed I'll go. Hope your neck of the woods isn't pushing you closer to the edge.
Monday, January 18, 2010
This has been on my mind since Saturday. I have this friend, seriously I do. Up until we both got married (to rather wonderful guys BTW) we never really cared all that much about; parental relationships. I mean we had them but they had some issues and we didn’t have to deal with them because we lived far away and had lots to-do. Then the whole marriage thing happened and we also got in-laws.
I know I was happy and thought I had landed very cool in-laws. I even remember making such claims to my friend and how happy I was to have such a wonderful mother –in-law. Yea, things change and now I wouldn’t paint such a chipper picture of my own situation.
Regardless of all of that let’s get back to my friend, yes I really have one!
Now for starters I won’t claim to be in the same boat as my friend, let’s call her Saucy… I don’t know it’s what comes to mind, she has spunk but she’s also very tender. Even though we are not in the same boat we are on near by islands when it comes to dealing with parental relationships.
Basically I find at times I just don’t know what to say when Saucy calls me up and has some major heartbreaking story to share thanks to parental relationship gone wrong. However, our conversations play out in my head when something strikes a nerve and well something did.
Why do people hurt people that genuinely care about them and are genuinely trying to make a connection? I am talking on the parental level here people! It’s not a girlfriend who ditched you to hang with her boyfriend, no we are talking cutting to your heart. I am talking deceit and lack of human decency.
This question of course led me to wonder, why is it that some people end up with great parents and/or in-laws for that matter?
And….some people just get screwed!
For myself, my relationship with my in-laws sucks, well I have a pretty good one with my father-in-law but he's divorced. The rest of the gang, eh... we don't see eye to eye would be the short version. However, my relationship with my Mother is complex. She is a nut. Nope she really is. But our relationship has improved overtime thanks to wonderful things like counseling, boundaries, and just learning to deal. Still we won’t win any mother-daughter awards. The key though is I still get to try.
My friend isn’t so lucky. She lost her mother to cancer when we were younger. To say it was devastating would be a huge understatement. To say she has or ever will fully recover is unlikely and I think that is just how loss is.
What’s crazy is both of us, once you get past the sarcasm and ranting are true optimist. Seriously we are. We see everything and I do mean everything as one great big opportunity to either learn from, get something right that we once got wrong, or basically as a holding pattern until we figure out our next move. We see the world ½ full even though we do poke fun at a lot of things.
However, this tends to happen time and time again by people we let into our heart. Believe me we are getting much better at this but still it happens. We get burned! It pisses me off more when it happens to her because well I just wish just once someone would attempt to not use her and treat her like true family. At least our version of family that just accepts you for who you are but doesn’t use you.
I guess my point is I am just sad that this has happened once again. I can’t fix it and that pisses me off. I don’t even no where to begin except to yell at the offending party and shake them.
I realize that most people actually lack the basic skill to be decent. Others are better at hiding it. What I don’t understand is apathy. I can understand if someone doesn’t want to invest the time in a relationship, we live in busy worlds. However, what I don’t understand and refuse to accept is how a person can blatantly fail to rationalize that their actions not only impact the other person but are hurtful.
Knock it off; commit to real relationships and be honest or don’t even bother.
Monday, January 4, 2010
What is it I do?
For now, it seems spin in circles as I try to develop (my) a “new program” to generate new revenue for my new company! Yippee…. Then I flitter over to facebook or student doctor network – pre vet forum of course to waste time until I get to go home…Or I get lost researching ways to receive federal energy dollars. I have on any given day over 10 web browsers open.
At the end of the day….
Once home I stress over the fact that I’m not making a lick of progress or so it feels. I know have a cold sore to show for my stress and because of that I have put off meetings with people I seriously need to meet with. When did I become so vain? It’s ugly though!
Ahhh! I really hate the development stage. I stress that I’ll get something wrong or miss something, like the whole process isn’t fluid and always evolving. Mostly I just want something a bit more tangible to sink my teeth into. I want to fast forward six months so I can chill the F*** out!
I’ll summarize what I have actually done in the hopes that it makes me feel better. I doubt it but anything is worth it at this point.
I’ve come up with a five tiered approach. Or simply put five levels of service. I want my new program to be a package one stop shop approach to building efficiency. Ummm I have written a vision statement. I’ve laid out a skeleton business plan that nobody but myself seems to understand.
I feel like I talk about this program in circles with nothing tangible.
I’ve redone a few publication flyers adding in the right logo and my contact info. I am reminded while doing this that I don’t have the background for graphic art work, but they don’t look all that bad.
I developed a release document that I need buy off from the big utilities so I can use the stupid thing with customers to get their utility data. I want to scream, what was I thinking going from government to for-profit. I don’t have the drive for this world.
I bought new software that comes with marketing strategy that should arrive soon. I already have access to their on-line stuff. I need to setup training but don’t want to meet with anyone due to…yes the freaking cold sore!
I may have to go out to Portland for some one-on-one training on how to sell. Ugh:( I don’t want to travel for work. Portland would be nice place to visit and how helpful would it be to get training on sales techniques. Rather lucky that I may have that option but with every opportunity comes fear. I just can’t shake the “newness” of my status here and how I feel like I am a huge disappointment.
I wonder if I can transition from learning to doing!
That would be another huge fear. I have all this training, education, background. Yada, yada but how does that translate to stepping in-front of the client and getting them to sign a deal. You got me.
Probably why the President thinks I need to go to Portland. Yea, I get it.
My computer is too freaking slow and my work chair sucks! I need to order a new one but instead I bought expensive software and don’t want to ask for something else. However, my back hurts and I end up avoiding working on work stuff as a result.
I have to share an office space, which is probably a good thing as I am kept in the loop for now and brought onto projects as a result of just being around. I am learning a ton from my office mate and he’s nice and not in the office a ton. I won’t be sharing an office for long. They are building me an office space, which is yet another reason why I haven’t asked for a new chair and refer to myself often as the “big money suck”…can you say perfectionist!
So, even though it’s a new year, nothing has really changed I am still a mess! I’m just getting paid more, have more complex deliverables and still want to win the lottery. I think I’ll just learn to embrace it this year.