Monday, January 4, 2010


It’s 2010 and a new year begins. I have a new job and a crap ton of new responsibilities. Sad thing is I don’t really know what they are. Ah yes, the wonderful world of upper management.

What is it I do?

For now, it seems spin in circles as I try to develop (my) a “new program” to generate new revenue for my new company! Yippee…. Then I flitter over to facebook or student doctor network – pre vet forum of course to waste time until I get to go home…Or I get lost researching ways to receive federal energy dollars. I have on any given day over 10 web browsers open.

At the end of the day….

Once home I stress over the fact that I’m not making a lick of progress or so it feels. I know have a cold sore to show for my stress and because of that I have put off meetings with people I seriously need to meet with. When did I become so vain? It’s ugly though!

Ahhh! I really hate the development stage. I stress that I’ll get something wrong or miss something, like the whole process isn’t fluid and always evolving. Mostly I just want something a bit more tangible to sink my teeth into. I want to fast forward six months so I can chill the F*** out!

I’ll summarize what I have actually done in the hopes that it makes me feel better. I doubt it but anything is worth it at this point.

I’ve come up with a five tiered approach. Or simply put five levels of service. I want my new program to be a package one stop shop approach to building efficiency. Ummm I have written a vision statement. I’ve laid out a skeleton business plan that nobody but myself seems to understand.

I feel like I talk about this program in circles with nothing tangible.

I’ve redone a few publication flyers adding in the right logo and my contact info. I am reminded while doing this that I don’t have the background for graphic art work, but they don’t look all that bad.

I developed a release document that I need buy off from the big utilities so I can use the stupid thing with customers to get their utility data. I want to scream, what was I thinking going from government to for-profit. I don’t have the drive for this world.

I bought new software that comes with marketing strategy that should arrive soon. I already have access to their on-line stuff. I need to setup training but don’t want to meet with anyone due to…yes the freaking cold sore!

I may have to go out to Portland for some one-on-one training on how to sell. Ugh:( I don’t want to travel for work. Portland would be nice place to visit and how helpful would it be to get training on sales techniques. Rather lucky that I may have that option but with every opportunity comes fear. I just can’t shake the “newness” of my status here and how I feel like I am a huge disappointment.

I wonder if I can transition from learning to doing!

That would be another huge fear. I have all this training, education, background. Yada, yada but how does that translate to stepping in-front of the client and getting them to sign a deal. You got me.

Probably why the President thinks I need to go to Portland. Yea, I get it.

My computer is too freaking slow and my work chair sucks! I need to order a new one but instead I bought expensive software and don’t want to ask for something else. However, my back hurts and I end up avoiding working on work stuff as a result.

I have to share an office space, which is probably a good thing as I am kept in the loop for now and brought onto projects as a result of just being around. I am learning a ton from my office mate and he’s nice and not in the office a ton. I won’t be sharing an office for long. They are building me an office space, which is yet another reason why I haven’t asked for a new chair and refer to myself often as the “big money suck”…can you say perfectionist!

So, even though it’s a new year, nothing has really changed I am still a mess! I’m just getting paid more, have more complex deliverables and still want to win the lottery. I think I’ll just learn to embrace it this year.

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