Monday, January 18, 2010

Tired of Crappy People…


This has been on my mind since Saturday. I have this friend, seriously I do. Up until we both got married (to rather wonderful guys BTW) we never really cared all that much about; parental relationships. I mean we had them but they had some issues and we didn’t have to deal with them because we lived far away and had lots to-do. Then the whole marriage thing happened and we also got in-laws.

I know I was happy and thought I had landed very cool in-laws. I even remember making such claims to my friend and how happy I was to have such a wonderful mother –in-law. Yea, things change and now I wouldn’t paint such a chipper picture of my own situation.

Regardless of all of that let’s get back to my friend, yes I really have one!

Now for starters I won’t claim to be in the same boat as my friend, let’s call her Saucy… I don’t know it’s what comes to mind, she has spunk but she’s also very tender. Even though we are not in the same boat we are on near by islands when it comes to dealing with parental relationships.

Basically I find at times I just don’t know what to say when Saucy calls me up and has some major heartbreaking story to share thanks to parental relationship gone wrong. However, our conversations play out in my head when something strikes a nerve and well something did.
Why do people hurt people that genuinely care about them and are genuinely trying to make a connection? I am talking on the parental level here people! It’s not a girlfriend who ditched you to hang with her boyfriend, no we are talking cutting to your heart. I am talking deceit and lack of human decency.

This question of course led me to wonder, why is it that some people end up with great parents and/or in-laws for that matter?

And….some people just get screwed!

For myself, my relationship with my in-laws sucks, well I have a pretty good one with my father-in-law but he's divorced. The rest of the gang, eh... we don't see eye to eye would be the short version. However, my relationship with my Mother is complex. She is a nut. Nope she really is. But our relationship has improved overtime thanks to wonderful things like counseling, boundaries, and just learning to deal. Still we won’t win any mother-daughter awards. The key though is I still get to try.

My friend isn’t so lucky. She lost her mother to cancer when we were younger. To say it was devastating would be a huge understatement. To say she has or ever will fully recover is unlikely and I think that is just how loss is.

What’s crazy is both of us, once you get past the sarcasm and ranting are true optimist. Seriously we are. We see everything and I do mean everything as one great big opportunity to either learn from, get something right that we once got wrong, or basically as a holding pattern until we figure out our next move. We see the world ½ full even though we do poke fun at a lot of things.

However, this tends to happen time and time again by people we let into our heart. Believe me we are getting much better at this but still it happens. We get burned! It pisses me off more when it happens to her because well I just wish just once someone would attempt to not use her and treat her like true family. At least our version of family that just accepts you for who you are but doesn’t use you.

I guess my point is I am just sad that this has happened once again. I can’t fix it and that pisses me off. I don’t even no where to begin except to yell at the offending party and shake them.
I realize that most people actually lack the basic skill to be decent. Others are better at hiding it. What I don’t understand is apathy. I can understand if someone doesn’t want to invest the time in a relationship, we live in busy worlds. However, what I don’t understand and refuse to accept is how a person can blatantly fail to rationalize that their actions not only impact the other person but are hurtful.

Knock it off; commit to real relationships and be honest or don’t even bother.

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