Thursday, February 24, 2011

Keep Learning

As the years pass by and experiences stack up I am amazed at how my perception and understanding of things I once just assumed shift.

Recently I experienced a loss of someone I once knew about the same age, similar background, same lofty goals. We shared a space in time and walked the same halls. We were not close but everyone remembers that one person, that person who just never took anything to serious and always was nice to everyone.

As I learned of his passing, I assumed I must have missed something. Chances are I probably didn’t even see it. It probably wasn’t even there for me to see or for anyone for that matter.

It makes me think back to my own experiences and what mattered most to me. Specific people come to mind. They are still very important to this day. Did they make the difference? Maybe? Was I ever so hurt that I couldn’t get back up? I’d love to sit here and say, No. It would be a weird kind a lie one that you don’t want to admit too or better yet talk about. But I remember boy do I remember…

I remember how crystal clear the day was and the thought that I could get it right. All I had to do was have the guts and I honestly I remember it occurred to me as almost laughable that I didn’t. I assumed it was a choice.

I think that’s what gets to me.

We assume it’s a simple choice. Yes or No, Do or Don’t

It’s so much more complicated than that. It or what you perceive as it, starts out as something that you just can’t get right and then before you know it you’re falling down a mountain top. You can’t put the break on even if you try. You learn effectively how to get by but not how to really deal with any of it. You’re on autopilot. It’s true. You don’t want to actually look through the looking glass and have to deal, maybe another day, maybe another time but for now you simply don’t or you can’t. I think that is something to remember, sometimes you just can’t.

The unfortunate part of “all of this” is the consequences of auto pilot, of just getting by. They add up and then the shear reality of what you, yourself have put in to motion can simply be more than you can bare. So I believe and I think it’s not a choice it’s more cause and effect.

Life happens and it’s not always great. Sometimes we have the skill and sometimes we don’t and that shapes how we deal or how we don’t deal with something.

It’s not black and white, its layers upon layers and it’s different for everyone. The thing I like to remember is how complex we each are and how no one can be there all the time. Sometimes we have to look through the mirror. Sometimes we simply can’t fix it and that sucks. It really sucks!

So for me and only for me.  My way of looking at all of this is to keep learning and try to understand, to grow, to broaden my perspective. 

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